Wendy Paige Sterling

We live in a world where we are inundated with noise.

From incessant notifications we get on our devices every day to the perpetual buzz of our busy lives, the skill of attentive listening and pausing takes unprecedented importance.

We need to shift our relationship with silence. It’s not awkward – it’s a powerful communication tool that allows us to foster deeper connections and understanding.

Instead of trying to fill every quiet gap in a conversation, we need to embrace it and benefit from what it’s trying to teach us! In this episode, we’ll explore the reasons why you need to learn the art of the pause.

✔️ Build deeper connections through silence. A pause in conversation is a sign of respect and appreciation for the speaker’s perspective. It gives space for their words to resonate and invites contemplation on both sides.

✔️ Reevaluate silence and recognize the weight of unspoken words in conversations. Silent moments are as significant as spoken ones. Embrace the pause not as an interruption, but as an integral part of meaningful communication.

✔️ Reframe your relationship with silence. It should not be seen as a void but as a bridge connecting thoughts and emotions in a conversation. This approach encourages a deeper level of understanding and connection when engaging with your loved ones.

✔️ Transform conversations by embracing the pause. This can significantly transform the dynamics of your relationships and communication style. In a world that often prioritizes speaking over listening, be the outlier and provide a safe, emotional space for the people you love.

Interested in learning more? DM me on Instagram @wendypaigesterling with the word “SILENCE” to receive a free downloadable pdf about how to communicate to listen.

TRANSCRIPT

Re-evaluate your relationship that you have with moments of pause um because what I know to be true and what I have learned deeply over the last couple of years is that the unspoken words actually bear as much weight as the ones that are [Music] spoken hello everybody and welcome to another episode of the power in the pause podcast how are you guys doing

Today don’t forget to hit subscribe so that you don’t miss a single episode that comes out every single week and it would mean the world to me if you would please leave a rating and a review so that more people can find this podcast so today’s episode I want to talk to you guys a little bit about what I call the art of the pause and what I mean by that is how to you use silence those moments of pause right which create Stillness to enhance your communication and

Relationships so let’s dive in we live in a world where let’s be honest we are inundated with noise either from the incessant notifications that we get on our devices every single day right to the Perpetual buz of each of our bustling lives and for those of us that have kids theirs as well and so the skill of attentive listening really takes on a completely new and unprecedented importance but yet listening actually

Transcends the mere Act of catching each and every word it encompasses what I call the profound potency that is concealed within the moments of Tranquility that live within those words so you know I like talking about metaphors so imagine in exquisitly orchestrated Symphony right and imagine that every conversation possesses that same type of cadence so very similar to how music is composed the significance of a pause right actually escapes us

Quite frequently because we mischaracterize those awkward silent moments right those awkward voids we mischaracterize them because Society has trained us to see them as strange or weird or uncomfortable and so what does that do well it forces us to think that we need to fill the silence right we need to fill the void however the pause is where the power is the pause is where the richness

Is because in those moments of Silence that’s where unspoken sentiments unspoken Reflections and recognition live and so pauses in these moments when you’re engaging in conversation really serve some really pivotal roles so the first one is by allowing yourself to pause number one it allows you to deepen your comprehension of the conversation of what the other person is saying to you so moments of silence really allow you you to digest

The words I always talk about it’s about communicating to listen right so it allows you to really digest and listen to and take in the the essence or even you know what’s not being said in those spoken words that really help us to understand where the other person is coming from does that make sense like think about an an example of when you were you know so many times when other people are thinking your mind is going you’re like oh I want to interrupt them

Oh I want to say something I’m GNA invite you to take a pause so that you can comprehend what it is that that means to the other person number two is really about nurturing the ability to reflect to the other person what it is that you’re hearing them say so in these moments where you allow yourself to pause what you’re doing is you’re taking in their words and then being able to really um you know communicate back to the other person

What it is that you’re hearing so giving yourself the gift of the pause before responding actually takes us out of our reactive state right so it it releases our automatic reflex and instead it takes us into a place where we are more contemplative and what I have found in my own experience is ultimately what that enables you to do is that it really allows you to be in a moment where you’re actually you know coming at the conversation from a much more um

Thoughtfulness is the word that’s coming in um a much more thoughtfulness place um the next area that I would say um you know or where the pause really serves a a very critical function in communication is it really helps to build connection with the person that you’re talking to so when you allow yourself the opportunity to just sit in the silence what you’re doing is you’re actually conveying to the other person that you respect what they’re saying you

Have an appreciation for their perspective which then ultimately actually deepens your bond with that person it builds intimacy and I don’t mean that in in any sexual way intimacy is something that you create it’s those bonds that allow you to forge these deeper relationships and so ultimately what I hope that you are hearing is is possible Right what you can unlock in the silence is genuine authentic engagement right

That’s what thrives in these moments of pause and so when you’re the one listening right when you allow yourself to sit in that silence it offers a space but contemp where you’re allowing their words to really resonate and truly sink in and it also gives you the opportunity to be like wait I’m hearing this is that what you’re saying that’s a tip that I always give my clients to say like be a mirror back to what you’re to the person who’s

Speaking and letting them know what it is and how it is that you’re hearing them because for the speaker right so for the listener it gives you a moment to contemplate right let the words sink in but for the person who’s actually talking the pauses actually provide them with an opportunity to really collect and gather their thoughts perhaps they want to regroup or perhaps after having heard themselves speak that they want to provide additional Clarity and so I

Encourage you guys to almost you know re re-evaluate your relationship that you have with moments of pause um because what I know to be true and what I have learned deeply over the last couple of years is that the unspoken words actually bear as much weight as the ones that are spoken and it’s powerful in the connections that you create and also the ones that you nurture and so what are some practical steps that you guys can start taking to really start embracing

These moments of quiet right how can you start doing this well number one cultivate active listening do you know what I mean by that what that means is really it’s fully engaging with the other person so maintaining eye contact I know that we live on our devices so sometimes this may be you know through a a conversation um or it may be through text message but you know there’s ways that you can be an active listener to

What the person is saying um if you’re in person though maintaining eye contact nodding to show that you are listening you’re giving them your undivided attention and that you are wholeheartedly engaged in what it is that they’re saying now if you’re not physically able to see or be with the other person if you’re on the phone you can say uhhuh uhhuh like I hear you uhhuh right number two is to resist um or

Really I’ll say it this way is to suppress your impulsiveness so to suppress your ease at reacting so instead instead of rushing to occupy that moment of silence or like you’re like waiting for them to like waiting for that moment of silence right if you’ve already got something in your head to say while the person is still speaking you’ve already left the conversation so instead I invite you to really allow that moment of silence to

See it as a as like a breath right allow yourself to breathe maybe that’s you physically taking a breath and just being in a place where you let the words like give them breathing room right just give them space because when you do that the conversation is going to evolve in a natural way and then the last thing the last step I should say that I want to share with you guys is to really this is this may be hard for some of you guys I

Know that it was for me but recognize that silence is something to be celebrated so this is about reframing your relationship to silence so instead of seeing it or hearing it or lack thereof right as a void in the conversation see silence as actually a bridge that is connecting you and the other person it’s connecting your thoughts it’s connecting your emotions it’s connecting you to the other person imagine what that would be like

So I’m curious to know when it is that you guys are hearing what’s coming up for you around this and maybe you’re even reflecting in this particular moment around how it is that you’ve shown up in conversations with other people because what I know to be true is that when we learn how to listen and embrace the power of the pause it really changes everything in your relationships and the way in which you communicate and the way in which you listen and in a

World that really nudges us to speak more and listen less I invite you guys to use this episode as a a moment of empowerment as a way to advocate for silence and to really just give power to the significance of those pauses because they do have a rightful place in any and all conversation and here’s the thing if you don’t just listen with your ears but you actually listen with your heart you are going to

Cultivate much deeper connected conversations that are going to have an impact they’re going to resonate even longer after you guys have stopped having that particular conversation right so it’s important important you guys that you allow yourself the opportunity and and you invite the other person too to just like sit and just be and let there be

That void train yourself to not react when there’s a silent moment and if the other person says like wait are you still there like what’s going on in your mind you could just say like I’m I’m taking it in I’m thinking and this is something that I have learned I mean literally since my divorce this has been the Great lesson and gift that I have learned and I I am a totally different person now when I engage in conversations because I

Truly I’m tired of reacting I am tired of guessing or thinking that I know what the other person is saying and so so many times I will ask for clarifications I will say I will reflect back this is what I’m hearing you say am I correct am I hearing you correctly because to me it’s more important to understand what the other person is saying instead of needing to be right so I hope that you guys enjoyed today’s episode I hope that there were some new neets of information

I hope that it also inspired you to really embrace the pause to see the power within the silence when you are having conversations with people and I invite you to take on your next conversation and be silent and see what unfolds see what happens yeah it may be a little uncomfortable at first but trust me in discomfort there’s always growth on the other side so if you guys want to share please DM me on Instagram you can find me at Wendy page Sterling I

Would love to hear from you guys and if you are actually interested in learning more about this DM me silence and I will send you guys this amazing downloadable PDF that I have that will help you to learn how to communicate to listen right there listening in your communication really is what it’s about um and I go a lot deeper than I did in this podcast so thank you guys so much for tuning in today I appreciate you so deeply sending you all so much love and light as

Always bye [Music] everybody

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